Need To Focus

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The push is on, yet I find my brain still won’t focus. Things are finally coming together, and life, for the moment, is cooperating. Yet…

That words dominates my day. I know where I need to be, what I should do, and exactly how it all will flow together. So why can’t I do it? It’s like my need to finish this has fallen so far down that I don’t feel capable of coming back. Yet I do…

It is a very odd feeling.

It would take maybe two weeks to get everything done. That’s it. Two weeks of focus, and hammering down. I have pushed myself to do two weeks of work in four days, but it appears that side of me has left. My give a fuck gave up, and wandered off into the sunset.

It isn’t writer’s block, and it is so annoying to keep getting told that. The story is pretty much done. I have notes for every chapter on what needs to change, and for almost everything else. It is all there, waiting for me to open up the file, and do the typing thing.

A few weeks back I went on a trip, and created a new file to add things to it. Inspiration flowed, and I even changed the name of a character to mirror one of my sisters. It is no one special, in this book anyway. New ideas were jotted down, and the few chapters I needed to figure out, were completed. YET, I can’t bring myself to actually input any of it.

I know I just need to do it. No sitting and staring at the file folder, and shutting down the laptop instead. In fact, I am planning on attempting a late into the night push today, and see if I can get my “give a shit” back. I have paid for editing, and really need to get it to them, but even this knowledge isn’t making me have any urgency.

Perhaps it’s the lack of feedback that is pushing me to this point. I really have zero reviews on sites, and it bothers me. I know many have the novels, and wish they would even put they hated it. At least it’s something! Perhaps it is the fact that so many things have been going wrong in life the last six months, and my mind doesn’t want to hold onto anything at this time.

Whatever it is, I need to get over it. My five fans want this next novel.

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Just One Question

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Just one? Yes, I do get one, over and over. I answered it on my FAQ’s on my website, but still I get asked. It happens in different variations, but it’s still the same thing: Why did you self publish?

Some people like to answer it right after asking. “Is it because you aren’t a good author?” or “Did you get rejected from a real publisher and couldn’t take it?” I get them all. So here I go, yet again answering. This time, however, it will probably come off as a rant.

Why? Well first off; why not? What’s wrong with self published work? Please answer this one for me, because I am at a loss.

I looked into “real” publishing, and found it to be quite a bit of a joke. If you have the money, you can advertise the shit out of your novel, no matter how crappy it is. People seem to overlook the obvious editing errors, all because it was published through a “real” company. They take your work, and tell you what to do, how to promote, and all that other fun stuff. Unless you’ve been around for quite a while, you have little control. I never even tried to send out my novel to publishers. It wasn’t something I was interested in.

Self publishing is an amazing way to go. You learn a hell of a lot about the publishing world, and the stigma attached to indie novels. Personally, the only down side is how much money you need to put into it. Rarely do you see anything back in sales. Not right away at any rate.

I’ve been doing this for a few years now, and am just getting into the promoting side of things. Not wanting to be famous helps me out greatly. If you want that, you will be paying for it. I rely on family and friends, which honestly helps very little, but I still try. Slowly word is spreading of my work, and not in a bad way! Makes me happy to know most people like what they read. One day, I hope this to be my one job. That is my goal.

There are now publishing houses that are specifically for self published writers. It gives them a “real” look, and make the snobby people who look down on it actually read their work. It’s a smart way to go, especially if you are starting out. They offer a lot of help. I finally hired pro-editors for the novel I am working on. It’s seriously expensive, but I feel I can no longer pay what I can for editing. My work suffers for it, and I don’t really learn much that way. Still, no real bad reviews on anything…yet. I’m still waiting.

My next step will be to do some kind of signing thing. I hate the idea of hanging out in a bookstore, and hate readings even more, so I need to come up with something funky. That’s more me. Do a signing at an event (just saw someone do a small one at the farmer’s market) something low key. Again, not that into advertising, but I really need to start!

With all the different options, and help out there, self publishing has come a long way. I will patiently wait for people to start accepting us, and judge us on our work, not on how it was published.

Proud to be indie!

Writing Musings

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I wouldn’t say this will be musings. I will likely be leaning to whining. LOL

It has actually been quite some time since I last posted about the silliness which is my writing life.  October has arrived, and with it I have begun panic mode. I should be well into my rewrites and edits by now, and I haven’t even finished the rough draft. This novel needs to be ready for my editors by January. YIKES!

Somehow, I am blaming this on Vader. I knew having a puppy would take up much of my spare time, especially one who came from a rough beginning. Never did I think he would be causing me to fall so far behind.

You see, he can play, and enjoy himself, but the moment I pull out the laptop and begin to do things, he is in my face. He will even act bad just for the attention. Vader is almost 5 months old, and is getting better, but he still makes it quite difficult to write.I may have a lot of support in my writing endeavor, but no one wants to deal with a hyper, chewing mess. I am the only one who really trains him, therefore, I must put things on hold to keep at it. My editors will understand…HA!

So I will continue to boot up the laptop, and keep the file open for those rare 5 mins I get to write. I really hope I can knock off a hell of a lot of words this week, and have this draft done within 2.

Wish me luck!

 

Rain

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Whether a gentle pitter-patter, or a heavy pour, nothing is as relaxing as rain. This morning I had to stand out in it for an hour and ten minutes. It was a mixture of light, and heavy, causing my pants to become soaked. How on earth could one find that relaxing?

I’m odd like that. My feet were wet and cold. My hands going numb, yet it was strangely soothing. Most of the kids I saw weren’t wearing rain boots, a sad sight. How can they possibly enjoy stomping through puddles without the proper gear? It’s little things like these which make me curious as to the future of mankind.

Rain has a tendency to wash things away. A little bit of dirt off my sidewalk, or chalk drawings. You can view it as a sad state of affairs, or that it’s just mother nature erasing the old to make way for new and wonderful things.

Although the rain can cause some to ache, and others to get a chill which feels like sticking around, I try to see the positive side. Warm beverages to keep your insides going. Changing into warm socks after taking off wet ones is a favourite thing for me. (yes I am weird..thank you for noticing) Snuggling up under a blanket is a rare and joyous time, especially now that I have Vader to investigate my every move.

With all things, your perspective determines much. Try not to dwell on the negative for too long, or you might only be able to see bad days, where there are amazing ones.

Autumn

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And now we enter a favourite time of year for me. Crisp air, warm drinks. Ahhh…love it.

Today is Mabon. Autumn equinox. However you celebrate, do it with love. Let go of your summer longings, and open your heart to new adventures.

I see the farmers bringing in the last of their crops, and know the season of thanks is approaching. (I will be quite thankful to my muse if I get this novel moving by leaps and bounds.)

The fairies have begun to put nature to rest, and allow those who enjoy the cool weather to appear. So many magical things end now, giving away to the next ones.

We began our cool nights/warm days weeks ago. Today it felt like 29. Tomorrow supposed to feel like 33. Where’s my autumn!?

Coming soon to a Canadian town near you.

Blessed be

At That Stage Of Life

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I’m certain I’ve rambled about this before, but this month has brought it up again. This stage of life.

I’m 43. Middle aged, not quite admitting the downhill slide I’m supposed to be on. (Fyi – a number doesn’t define me, my life does) One thing I cannot get away from, is losing those a generation or 2 ahead of me. This stage of life, those who brought inspiration to others, begin to leave this world.

At the beginning of the month, my husband’s uncle was taken by Parkinson’s. He was a teacher back in the day, and I am certain one who inspired many. Last week, my great-aunt Helen, aged 95, passed away. (In Alaska no less!) Talk about a wandering spirit! Again, I can believe she inspired many souls.

These days, I wonder how many names will show up in obituaries that I will recognize. Parents of old friends, teachers who made me think differently. Even family I have forgotten.

One never knows when your time is up. It’s something we cannot control. All I hope for, is to have lived, not just existed, when my time comes.

Knowing Things

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One thing about writing, you need to know things. You always hear ‘write what you know’. Everyone appears to know stuff. I, however, do not.

It’s a sad state of affairs, knowing nothing, but I make it work. I go around, pretending to know things, and so far I’m pretty certain I’ve faked out everyone. So shhhh.

My writings are fantasies, dreams, and from the imagination of children. Magic, fairies, dragons, all things I know nothing about. Guess that’s what makes this writing gig so much fun!

I believe in magic. Just look around, and you can find it in so many places. My beliefs are based on the earth I walk on, barefoot. I close my eyes, and hear fairies calling. They like to dance about the yard, which is why you see dandelion seeds float about, where there isn’t a wisp of wind to be felt. These things I feel with my heart and soul, but I know nothing about them.

Well, I guess I know some stuff. I know my imagination is a tad weird, and my way of thinking is as well. I know people tend to wonder about me, and of how I think. They don’t appear to get my meanings, and I often confuse them. I also know that is their problem, not mine.

So now I end this little post, and wonder if I can find the time to write, and perhaps, know some new things. One can only hope!