At That Stage Of Life

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I’m certain I’ve rambled about this before, but this month has brought it up again. This stage of life.

I’m 43. Middle aged, not quite admitting the downhill slide I’m supposed to be on. (Fyi – a number doesn’t define me, my life does) One thing I cannot get away from, is losing those a generation or 2 ahead of me. This stage of life, those who brought inspiration to others, begin to leave this world.

At the beginning of the month, my husband’s uncle was taken by Parkinson’s. He was a teacher back in the day, and I am certain one who inspired many. Last week, my great-aunt Helen, aged 95, passed away. (In Alaska no less!) Talk about a wandering spirit! Again, I can believe she inspired many souls.

These days, I wonder how many names will show up in obituaries that I will recognize. Parents of old friends, teachers who made me think differently. Even family I have forgotten.

One never knows when your time is up. It’s something we cannot control. All I hope for, is to have lived, not just existed, when my time comes.

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Knowing Things

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One thing about writing, you need to know things. You always hear ‘write what you know’. Everyone appears to know stuff. I, however, do not.

It’s a sad state of affairs, knowing nothing, but I make it work. I go around, pretending to know things, and so far I’m pretty certain I’ve faked out everyone. So shhhh.

My writings are fantasies, dreams, and from the imagination of children. Magic, fairies, dragons, all things I know nothing about. Guess that’s what makes this writing gig so much fun!

I believe in magic. Just look around, and you can find it in so many places. My beliefs are based on the earth I walk on, barefoot. I close my eyes, and hear fairies calling. They like to dance about the yard, which is why you see dandelion seeds float about, where there isn’t a wisp of wind to be felt. These things I feel with my heart and soul, but I know nothing about them.

Well, I guess I know some stuff. I know my imagination is a tad weird, and my way of thinking is as well. I know people tend to wonder about me, and of how I think. They don’t appear to get my meanings, and I often confuse them. I also know that is their problem, not mine.

So now I end this little post, and wonder if I can find the time to write, and perhaps, know some new things. One can only hope!

Inspiration From Ishgy Gishgy Cake

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How can one be inspired by cake, you may ask? This isn’t just any cake, that’s how.

This cake brings me back to my youth. We would make the ridiculously long trek to Fort Frances from Thunder Bay (it’s forever to a kid okay) to visit my grandparents. Not only was their home a maze of wonders, you could also expect Rice Krispie Squares, and Ishgy Gishgy cake.

The thought of having just one piece of this delight made the drive bearable; although only just.

Yes this cake does have a real name, and if you Google it you do not find a single recipe that comes close to this.

After many years, I can finally make it properly. It’s one of “those” cakes. So today I did, and as I stated, was thrown back to my youth.

Inspirations flowed from this little thought. Ones of how my characters, who are growing up, will soon have children. I was inspired to come up with different scenarios these children will go through. I love it all.

As I have said in many of my posts, seek inspiration everywhere! Even in cake.

Beauty, Inspiration, and Gratitude

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So many things in my world can be described this way. In fact, I describe most of my days this way.

The delicate beauty and inspiration found in the soft fluttering wings of a hummingbird, to the raw, intense beauty and inspiration felt during a thunderstorm. I am grateful to experience both.

My latest inspiration comes from my lilies. I have many, you see, and even though summer is marching past far to quick, they continue to bloom. A reminder to me that summer is still here, and we should not rush its passage. We are human, however, and tend to dwell on what is ahead.

Live in the now is a far better idea.

These are my back garden lilies. There is 1 more still to bloom. How can I not find inspiration in this?

I think the middle one is going to make it into this novel I am writing. (Or the next) I do write fantasy, so having a white lily with a yellow center have some signifigance is required…right? It will be rare, of course, and quite difficult to find. A harrowing quest to save someone who is dying. The lily being the only way to counteract a poison/venom/disease. Or perhaps, it is the poison.

So easy to find inspiration in the beauty of a lily. How can I not be grateful for this amazing life I have been given?

All that is left would be to keep Vader from playing in them.

A Musing

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A monarch keeps flitting about my yard. It has avoided the many birds swooping through, and brings a smile to my face. I have milkweed, but it appears the few little ones which hatched have succumbed to the circle of life.

Silly little things like this inspire me. In my latest novel, in the middle of a battle, which the good guys are losing, a lone butterfly will flutter past the disheartened soldiers, giving them a small glimmer of hope.

Another way I am being inspired lately, is my new puppy.

This is Vader. (Darth Bob Vader if you ask my youngest and my dad) He didn’t have a great start to life, but he is learning. Nibbling on everything, and half listening, are my daily experiences. Such is the way of a puppy.

Vader makes me have to sit in the grass more often, and remember how to play. He sort of gets fetch, and it makes me smile when he understands what is going on. At almost 12 weeks, he is coming along great.

Have you ever watched a puppy play? With Vader it’s rough and tumble, running like mad, and interesting wipe outs. I laugh, want to beat, am exhausted regularly, and loving it all. He gives me ideas at how certain species should fight in my little war. Quick strikes, fighting hand to hand in a rough and tumble way, and failing to succeed some of the time. But learning. It’s still morning, and he has shown me so much already.

No matter what muse has bit you, don’t sell anything short. If you look, you will find inspiration is all around you.

Reunion

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Tomorrow I head to Manitoba for a family reunion. A bunch of those attending I haven’t seen in 21 years, some in less time, others I’m certain it will be the first time. It will be an interesting get-together, as reunions tend to be.

Funny thing is, I will be a stranger.

Not since I was a small child have I felt any connection to my family. I don’t know why, it just is. No support, or other ‘family’ like caring. I withdrew myself during this time, so we are all strangers. Little effort has been made to rectify the situation, nor do I feel there ever will be. Life keeps going. All you can do is make the best of what you have.

What do I have?

An amazing, supportive husband. 2 ridiculous and weird daughters, who are already on their way to being better people than I could never be. The ability to go wander the woods, and my writing.

My imagination has kept me sane for most of my life. I hope it continues to, right up to the end. After all, in the end you see the one constant in your life, was you. Cherish you!

When I Grow Up

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One day, I might grow up. (yes I am in my 40’s, but that’s just a number) As a child, all you wanted was to be a grown up. How stupid were we!

When I grow up, I might be a writer. One who flits about to different conventions, speaking to those about my world, and what it’s like to be a writer. Right now, I am content to being unknown. (I never want to be a household name, but I really should do a book signing. I’m certain there would be about 10 people who would show up. Still, it is something I should do.)

We have a local comi-con. It’s called ThunderCon. Perhaps one day I will book a table at their event, and be a real writer. Sit and watch the flow of people go by, wonder who the F I am, and why I’m at the event. One day…

Many writers and artists exist in my little town. We have events all over the city where they can showcase their abilities. I’m not grown up enough to join them, yet. My goals do not even include things such as these at the moment.

Yes one day, I might grow up. Right now, I like playing in the rain, splashing in puddles and getting all muddy. I want to keep swinging on swings, climbing trees and other fun things. Being a grown up isn’t so much fun, so I will hold off until it is necessary.