It Is Easy To Get Lost

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When you are following your dreams, the road is rarely a straight line. It is also never the same road, and it is easy to get lost.

Sometimes you start with something as perfect as a yellow brick road. It’s flat, easy to travel on, and it’s clear where you need to go.

Then you fall asleep.

When you wake, that perfect road is now nothing more than a dirt trail. Holes of varying size are littered along it. There’s a bridge, which looks like it will barely hold your weight, crossing a dangerous river, and on the far side is a dark, dense, and forbidding forest.

Off to the side you notice another path. This one isn’t as treacherous looking. So which should you take?

I love challenges, so I will fly down the dark trail, and hope what I need is in that dangerous forest.

That doesn’t mean it is the right way, only that it’s my way…and I may get lost along the way.

My point is this; Whenever you begin to feel lost, and wish to quit pursuing your dream, take the other path. It might be exactly what you need.

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Need To Focus

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The push is on, yet I find my brain still won’t focus. Things are finally coming together, and life, for the moment, is cooperating. Yet…

That words dominates my day. I know where I need to be, what I should do, and exactly how it all will flow together. So why can’t I do it? It’s like my need to finish this has fallen so far down that I don’t feel capable of coming back. Yet I do…

It is a very odd feeling.

It would take maybe two weeks to get everything done. That’s it. Two weeks of focus, and hammering down. I have pushed myself to do two weeks of work in four days, but it appears that side of me has left. My give a fuck gave up, and wandered off into the sunset.

It isn’t writer’s block, and it is so annoying to keep getting told that. The story is pretty much done. I have notes for every chapter on what needs to change, and for almost everything else. It is all there, waiting for me to open up the file, and do the typing thing.

A few weeks back I went on a trip, and created a new file to add things to it. Inspiration flowed, and I even changed the name of a character to mirror one of my sisters. It is no one special, in this book anyway. New ideas were jotted down, and the few chapters I needed to figure out, were completed. YET, I can’t bring myself to actually input any of it.

I know I just need to do it. No sitting and staring at the file folder, and shutting down the laptop instead. In fact, I am planning on attempting a late into the night push today, and see if I can get my “give a shit” back. I have paid for editing, and really need to get it to them, but even this knowledge isn’t making me have any urgency.

Perhaps it’s the lack of feedback that is pushing me to this point. I really have zero reviews on sites, and it bothers me. I know many have the novels, and wish they would even put they hated it. At least it’s something! Perhaps it is the fact that so many things have been going wrong in life the last six months, and my mind doesn’t want to hold onto anything at this time.

Whatever it is, I need to get over it. My five fans want this next novel.

Why?

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Why does it take a tragedy to get people to care?

Right now, the world once again thinks Canada is amazing. Jumping on board to help out a community which suffered a horrible incident; what an amazing country.

No, we are not. We only help when the news tells us to. And even with that, we are selective.

What happened was terrible, and not something I would wish anyone to go through. However, it took an NHL coach to point out that the media missed someone. No apologies came. (that was probably what pushed me on this)

I have seen many Go Fund Me pages set up to help for a variety of reasons, and I try to help whenever I can. One in particular, I promoted. It was for a family who needed to take their child out of province for treatments. (when you leave your province for anything medical, you usually pay for it all yourself) I shared the Go Fund Me page, and had not 1, but 3 people tell me they should just move closer to that hospital to make it cheaper. The Fund barely hit $1000. Canadians are jerks.

I see stories of families starving because their child’s medications cost $300 per pill, and they need it every other day to survive. (if said child is not white, the comments show just how pathetic this country is)

My point, and wish, to all is this; help your community!!
If we all stood behind our little parts of the world, we could make it an amazing place. Yes helping others outside your area is great, but look to your community first. If you see bad things happening; report it! Support charities like the RFDA, or whatever hits close to home for you. Speak out for those who cannot do it themselves! And for F Sake…don’t jump on a bandwagon! Make your own choices.

I honestly do not care who gets pissed by this. We are a country that helps some, while stepping over others to do it, and mainly because it’s in the media. Change.

Giving Up

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This title is slightly inaccurate. I am not giving up, I have given up..for the moment. Now before everyone tries to give me some speech to pump me up, or boost my confidence, I will state this now; keep it to yourself.

A few weeks back, I was going through a chapter. Typical rewrites and all that jazz. Then I see a message. One of many informing me of how terrible my writing is. As always, these types do not post it as a review, they just feet compelled to inform me. So as I do, I deleted it and went on my way. This, for some odd reason, is what made me change.

I went back to my editing fun, and after reading the same paragraph, I saved my work, shut it down, and decided to not look at it again. I am behind schedule, big time. This needs to get to the editors asap, yet I shut it down, and said fuck it. I still have my notebook to jot down the ideas I have to change up certain things, but otherwise, the novel sits there.

I have no idea where this came from. I do not have writers block, as I stated, notes are still filling up the book. As usual, my mind is overflowing with ideas. I really wish I knew why that one loser set me on this path. It’s quite frustrating for someone like me, who truly does not care about haters. I have been surrounded by them my entire life.

Sometime soon, I will begin again. I can’t let some idiot control my brain with stupid thoughts. I know Melarandra awaits my return.

For now, I will observe the magic of the world around me, and absorb as much as I can. That’s all I can ask of myself.

Another Milestone

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Today my youngest is 20 years old. Where did the time go!? No more stating I have a teenager. The end of an era.

Yes that is dramatic, but it also rings true. My baby is in college, and finding her way in life. Deep down she is still my little girl.

I love seeing how much she has grown. Following the steps to achieving whatever she wishes. Every little set back dealt with head on.

No more is she the silly girl wanting to wear a summer dress to school in -40 weather. Or running around the yard with her bike helmut on, for fear of tripping in grass. (My family is unique)

So Happy Birthday to my second born. May all your dreams come true!

The Shawl

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This shawl…what a story you have.

Years back, when life was crumbling and I was feeling quite down, a package arrived at my door. Inside was this crocheted shawl, and a note.

The sender’s church made these shawls, and gave them to people who were lost and in need of a hug. She couldn’t give me one herself, and felt I needed this shawl.

I immediately wrapped it around me, closed my eyes, and thought of better days to come. Although my life has become more wonderful than I could imagine, sometimes I use it. A virtual hug, if you will, to make me feel better.

The sender of this shawl was named Alice, and she left us yesterday. Another victim of a terrible disease, a disease which took many loved ones from people I know last year. And as it has been stated many times; Fuck Cancer.

So I say farewell to the sender of the shawl, and know all I can do is send virtual hugs to the family in mourning. You are in a better place, and the pain is done.

💜

3 Years

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3 years. Already! And..only?

January 4th, 2015. That was the day I picked. It was a difficult choice, and my stomach was turning the entire time, but I did it. On that morning, Children of the Sun and Moon was released on Kobo. It was where I decided would be the best start for me. I knew more people who used Kobo, so I took the plunge, and published it on there.

Months later, I had it up on more eBook sites, and also decided to jump into print copies. All I can say is..WOW!

This whole ordeal has been quite the learning experience. I found out there are many people out there who offer up advice, all to make you look like an idiot. There are those who you think are helping make your work better, but they don’t. It has been a roller coaster in every aspect. Many times I considered just stopping, but the characters scream I must continue their tale.

Currently I am working on book 5 in this series. I will be using new editors, and from what I have seen I believe they might be the ones! Only time will tell.

The idea to stop still crosses my mind. There are more negative words than there are positive supporters, and it can wear. I plug on, and will continue too until the words stop filling my head. I no longer fear what will happen when the novel is ready for publishing. Instead, I hit publish, and focus on the next tale. With so many to be told, I can’t stop now!

For more info, check out my website.